Obituaries: Meyers Leonard

*Note: This blog was originally published on my other blog which has been abandoned. But I liked it so it’s making a reappearance here.

Meyers Leonard passed away last Monday after 25 years of life. He was put to his end by Jonathan Simmons, who will face no charges for the murder, after the 20,000 witnesses in attendance all conceded that anybody who was dunked on that hard deserved it and denied testifying. We relive his tragic final moments.

Leonard leaves behind a wife, a dog, and a miserable attempt at a man bun. Leonard grew up in Robinson, Illinois, where his body grew into its 7 foot frame, but his face stayed frozen at age 12.

Meyers caught the attention of many with a viral video of his brother coming home from the military and surprising him at an Illinois practice. Little did Meyers, or the rest of basketball fans, know that it would be the last time anybody smiled about him.

Seeing great potential in an athletic 7 footer with some shooting ability, the Portland Trail Blazers drafter Meyers with the 11th pick in the 2012 draft. Looking back and seeing Andre Drummond two picks before, and Damian Lillard as the other lottery pick the Blazers took, it is difficult not to feel an empty pit in your stomach comparable to that of a mother who has just had a child die.

Leonard, much like The Counselor, had all the ingredients to be great, but in reality was a woeful disappointment. An athletic 7 footer who shoots the three? Sounds to me like you’ve found a basketball marvel. But then you would tune in and watch him play, where his style more resembled a 6th grader who’s never played basketball but is on the team because he is tall, than it did a young Dirk Nowitzki.

After his rookie contract expired, Meyers somehow lumbered his way into resigning with the Blazers on a $41 million contract. This puts him in the top .01% of wealth in the world, which added insult to injury to all of the poor people around the world.

While his basketball life may have been a disappointment, he can claim that his last act was heroic beyond all measure. Or actually, a heroic act measured at $11 million a year. Yes, in a page right out of Bruce Willis’ Armageddon script, Meyers made the ultimate sacrifice, his life, so that the Blazers can clear some cap space and hopefully get a marginal player. Though it may not have been intentional, I will give it to him because it may be the only positive contribution the man made to the franchise. Let his family have this one, please.

This Sunday is Easter, a day for those who believe to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ. While it may be considered a miracle, a great many fans of the Portland Trail Blazers would be dismayed at the return of Leonard.

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